The Heart of Joy

This advent I told you about the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius. The daily examine is a big part of that. Setting aside the end of your day to look at what happened and to see how God is working in your life. One of the challenges of the examine is to also look at the emotions that you felt that day – what was going on for you and why.
For me this has been a week of looking at some of the difficult emotions. Happy, sad, worried, stressed out, angry – concerned. Those are actually easy – because usually you know the cause of those emotions. And you don’t have to explain or justify why you feel the way you feel. Because the feeling is not about you – it is about something out there.
The hard emotions are jealousy, resentment, guilt, rejection, inadequacy. Those are hard because they are about you and what is going on inside of you. They are all feelings that we feel, but it is a little harder to justify where they come from, and why we feel that way. And often if you share those emotions with someone else, they will try and talk you out of them as if you shouldn’t feel that way.
When every feeling that we have is justified within our own soul. And sometimes it may not be appropriate to act on that emotion out in the world – but it is always important to examine that emotion and to see for ourselves what it is saying about our soul and our needs in the world.
This has been a week of examining hard emotions for me because of certain events. In October, I participated in a spiritual workshop for pastors. We are supposed to take our knowledge and go and start support groups for other pastors. In applying for this program, we were all told about another program that we could also sign up for. A writer’s support group for pastors. We had to send in our writing samples to be a part of the group. What they didn’t tell us until we were all together that this was a chance to fly to a retreat center in San Antonio every three months for a weekend retreat. We would write and critique the writing of others, and at the end of a year we would be treated to a book deal with a publisher looking for pastors to write on their experiences. A writers dream experience. Well it turns out that half of the group applied for this special group – 25 people, and there were only 7 positions open. So we were told that we would have to compete for those 7 positions. I got all of my paperwork in on time and waited for an answer. On Thursday I get this email saying more info on the writing group. So I know that email is a confirmation that they liked my application and would be accepted. But as I read the letter attached to the email – it is a rejection email. I didn’t make the cut for one of the 7 spots. And I am devastated. I was really looking forward to being a part of this group. I thought I had did such a good job on all of my writing samples, and explaining why I would be a good asset to the group.
So this week I have been reliving all of the rejections on my life. All of the bad relationships, all of the times that I was turned down by the board of ordained ministry, all of the jobs that I didn’t get. Every time in my life when I really wanted something and it just didn’t turn out. What does that say about me, when do I get my turn, when do I get to win, when , why how – and all of those questions and emotions that come along with being rejected.
And of course it didn’t help that I saw that one of my facebook friends, had befriended an old boyfriend. And this old boyfriends profile was a picture of his smiling wife and their two beautiful children – when I saw the picture I couldn’t help but think to myself – o isn’t that special.
Rejection, jealousy, resentment, anger, - this has been a week of tough emotions.
And of course I am left with the ensuing conversation of how do you move on from here. That writing group would have been a perfect opportunity – but will I find something else that is just as fulfilling? Just because they turned me down does that really mean that I am a bad writer. Or was I too good a writer and they thought I was showing off? Who knows. And what is God telling me in the midst of this experience, I am being called to perhaps start a local group for pastors who want to write and get published. Of course I have had this conversation with God before, that I learn much quicker if I just get my way and what I want, then from the times when I have been turned down. But of course God doesn’t listen to that conversation.
And yet God reminded me that it has been those times of moving on that have become the fundamental shape of my character. That in those times of moving on (and I have not always been willing to move on) I became stronger, more confident, more willing to work on myself, and able to even show my talents in skill in the face of the chance of being rejected. Those times of moving on and going forward have been the times when I was most willing to listen to God and to walk with God in a new and different way- In ways that I never thought possible.
Zephaniah talks about the journey of his people from darkness to light. Zephaniah is the cousin of King Hezekiah if that means anything. King Hezekiah had a reputation for bringing reform to the people of Israel. They had gotten comfortable with themselves and stopped thinking about their relationship with God. King Hezekiah and his son Josiah set them straight and reminded them to let God be the center of their lives and their worship. Today we celebrate what quality in the advent cycle? Joy – Joy comes from knowing that whatever you are going through – wherever you are in life, whatever you are feeling – God is with you. The opposite of joy is not sadness – it is apathy. It is that feeling that you have no reason to celebrate or to be happy. The opposite of hope is not the feeling that there is no hope – it is the feeling that it really doesn’t matter what I feel or what I do.
The people of Israel were guilty of those feelings. God didn’t matter to them anymore. God being with them didn’t matter anymore. They could do what they wanted – because they just didn’t care that God was in their midst. Zephaniah is made up of 7 sections, where Zephaniah is trying to straighten up the people. And tell them that they have got to do better. That they have got to care about God and if they don’t then them are going to be punished. The ultimate punishment fo the Hebrew people was being banished from their own land by the babylonions. The story of faith is the story of how they were able to move on from that experience and recognize that God was leading them to a new place. Our whole bible is a story of them moving on. But Zephaniah’s prophecy comes even before that. Zephaniah worns the people that they have to get out of their apathy and turn their lives toward God. And in the midst of that journey – Zephaniah and the people realize that indeed God is with them. And they can go on with their lives. Finally Zephaniah is able to tell the people to rejoice because the journey is over – they can celebrate that God allowed them to struggle, but today the struggle is over. All of their troubles will have meaning, all those who fought them will honor them, all that they attempt will happen, all that they have lost will be restored. Simply because they have come out of their apathy and realized that God is with them on the journey. Joy is knowing that God is with you on the journey. Joy is not in whether good things or bad things happen, joy is in knowing that everything that happens for a reason, and that God will reveal that reason.
Joy is in having a deep longing for change and knowing that change is about to come. Joy comes when you can see for yourself that joy is coming- it doesn’t have to be here just yet, but you know that it is coming.
Someone once said that joy is the flag flown from the heart when the king of glory is present there. Joy is looking into the face a baby for the first time, joy is sitting down to have coffee with a friend and having a good conversation, Joy is watching an amazing sunset, joy is coming home after a long day and smelling fresh bread in the oven, Joy is watching the man down the street who yells at everyone being willing to help older neighbors shovel the snow from their driveways. Joy is not a feeling, joy is an experience in life that brings you closer to god. I have mentioned what joy is to other people, I invite you to think about what joy is for you. When have you felt the overwhelming presence that God is with you and that all is right with the world? Joy is our peace in the midst of the storm. Joy is knowing that whatever happens, no matter how many rejections you get, that does not change who you are and how much God loves you. It is usually in our deepest moments of sorrow and pain that we learn the true meaning of joy. The truth is that You can’t separate the two. And you can’t have one without the other.
A woman- who was relatively young – 53 passed away after a long battle with cancer. At her funeral – they did a presentation of her life. There were baby pictures, pictures of her growing up, pictures of her family, pictures of her prom, her graduation, her wedding, pictures of her when she had children. Actually she had a pretty normal life. There was nothing really noteworthy about her life or about her pictures. The pastor noticed that while this was going on, her husband was holding the hands of his children. And he was smiling. He was actually very excited and happy, he was really enjoying those pictures. And as he watched the montage on the screen, he was reliving his life with his wife. All of those memories and good feelings were coming back to him in this touching moment of grief. The pain and sorrow of his loss had carved an empty space in his heart. It created a longing for relief. And ache for healing. And God was filling that woundedness with joy in that moment. If God can enter into that moment and heal the pain of death, then surely God can heal the pain of the difficult emotions in our life.
C.S. Lewis – a Christian writer writes a lot about joy he said that joy was the guiding principle of life for his. In his book surprised by joy he says that joy is not a pleasure or happiness, joy is a longing, perhaps a deep satisfaction in life that all is cared for.

C.S. Lewis talks about another image ... at the end of a long
dusty road (life) -- being bathed in the Presence of God.
Bathed not in the sense of dutiful washing... but bathed as in a child's
bath time - full of gleeful splashing and playing with the water upon and around
them - enjoying the water (the Presence), enjoying the 'wet-ness', enjoying being refreshed more than 'merely' being washed.
He reminds us that just being aware of the presence of God in our lives is the difference between joy and something else going on. As long as we know God is with us- anything we go through is a learning experience to make a better person. We don’t have to stay stuck in those difficult emotions that something must be wrong in our lives. The symbols of advent are hope, peace, joy and love. Joy is the heart of every one. Without joy you cant even begin to think of the others, much less feel them and put them in your lives.
Joy is not some frivolous emotion, it is knowing that God is here with you – so sing Cornerstone – rejoice with all of your heart. Let us pray…. Amen.